The Confession of a Pastor

Here it is – Wednesday. Half the week has passed by and I have been so busy as not to even write a peep on this blog. I have been feeling a bit out of sorts lately. Pastoral duties aside, I have been weighed down by the feeling (or lack thereof) in my mouth since my oral surgery last Tuesday. This coupled with the fact that my wife is feeling sore in the mouth since she also had oral surgery yesterday has really slowed me down, not just physically, but also emotionally.

It is funny how I can preach on “momentary light afflictions” and yet struggle to regard the way I am feeling as such. Just a MLA (momentary light affliction). Just a bump on the road to eternity (if even a bump as others endure so much more headache and heartache than I). It is in times like these that I see my lack of wisdom. I know I have knowledge. I know what I should think, how I should pray, how I should be trusting the Lord; but somewhere I seem to lack the wisdom to do it the way I should for wisdom is truly the application of knowledge. Anyone can have knowledge (the bare facts) but wisdom – that is a whole other talent.

I know that Christ is sufficient for all my needs, all my cares, all my concerns and hurts. But how do I now apply that knowledge when I can’t feel my lower right jaw with my lips and tongue burning and tingly? How do I apply that knowledge when it takes so much concentration to not be bothered by these sensations that I end up being bothered? How do I focus on Christ, and minister to others when my body keeps calling attention to itself? How do I keep myself from the sin of worry: is this condition permanent? So what if it is? How do I learn to cope and do so with grace? Will I feel silly if this goes away in another day or two, or week or two, or month or two?

Then we add the burden of ministry. People I love to serve who have problems of their own, some of which are far more severe than my own, some of which are far less. Life marches on. Results are expected. Relationships to be reconciled instantly. Doctrinal differences to be remedied to the satisfaction of all. Keeping everyone on the same page when I feel like I myself am falling off of it. Too much self pity, Ed! Too much focus on self, Ed!

Is this a crisis? I don’t think so. I am not ready to abandon ship. I love the calling of God on my life too much. But does that mean I won’t have my days of melancholy frustration? Does this make it wrong to question my ability to be a viable ministry? Does this mean it is wrong to cry in my pillow tears of concern for myself, my family, and my church? No, I am not sufficient. I will say it again, I, in myself, am not sufficient for the task. I must learn to trust, depend, lean, call upon, plead with and otherwise just look to Jesus all the more. His grace is sufficient – right?

“O Lord, please forgive my lack of faith; please forgive my lack of prayer, please forgive my focus on self – grant me grace to rise above the circumstances; grant me grace to ministry effectively to those I am called to shepherd and love; grant me grace to glorify You rightly.”

I may not be the most eloquent in preaching, the most effective in challenging, the most compassionate in ministering, the most reliable in communicating, but one thing I pray, that I will be all that Christ Jesus wants me to be right now and that this will be more than sufficient to meet the needs of my family, the needs of my church as well as my own needs. “Lord, grant me grace to live to Your glory.”

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pastor Ed

p.s. - I am still working on my post entitled "Post-dental Joys"

Ineffectiveness

How's this for a working definition for ineffectiveness:

Ineffectiveness - doing perfectly that which is unnecessary.

Anyone relate to this?

SDG,

Ed

Dental Curiosities

I find myself still quite slowed by my dental experience. Just moments before I was to go into the room for surgery, the nurse came up to me and said matter of fact – “You know that this procedure will probably result in permanent nerve damage to your lower jaw.” I was a bit stunned. Previously I had been told that such as a possibility, but now I was told that I should expect it. But what was I to do? I had to have the procedure done.

When I was in the surgical room, I asked if any permanent nerve damage would hinder my ability to speak (being a preacher and all). Thankfully I was told no – I was only to expect a lose of feeling or tingling in my lower jaw and possibly on the tip of my tongue and that this could possibly only be temporary (a few days to a few weeks) or permanent.

Well, I am over seventy-two hours past my surgery and I have no feeling in my lower jaw and teeth along with the right third of my tongue all tingly. And while I am preparing myself to always be this way, I am praying that it will be healed as it is quite distracting. It is strange to only feel liquid running down half your tongue and not to be able to feel your teeth when you chew. I might best describe the sensation on my tongue this way – have you ever really burned your tongue on hot chocolate or coffee? That’s the way my tongue now feels. I am amazed at how often I notice it.

Please pray for me. If this is the way the Lord would have it – that I would have the grace to not let it bother me. I know there are much worse things to endure in this life. But I also pray for a restoration of the nerves. Whatever best glorifies the Lord.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Ed

p.s. - I am still working on "Post-Dental Joys"

Dental Update

Thanks be to God – I am back up (even if not yet running). The oral surgery took about an hour (an apicoectomy on top and a full boney wisdom tooth extraction on the bottom. What was really exciting is right when they called me back to go into surgery, one of the nurses called me aside and told me I needed to be aware that I had a greater chance than not of having permanent nerve damage in my lower jaw because the wisdom tooth and pressed right up against. Not the most encouraging thing to hear as you are going in. But, what am I supposed to do – the alternatives were not so great.

The apicoectomy went well, as well as the wisdom tooth extraction. The wisdom tooth was the real bother. The doctor had to shave several layers of my jawbone to access the tooth. He did get it all and told me that I would be hurting for several days. It has now been just over 48 hours since the surgery and I still cannot feel my teeth in my lower right jaw, or the right side of my tongue. At this point, we don’t know if it will only be temporary or permanent. It is a weird sensation.

Speaking of weird sensations, my wife also developed an abscess over on of her root canalled teeth, saw the doctor and guess what! She has to have one of these apicoectomies on this coming Tuesday. When it rains, it pours. At least the apicoectomy is not nearly as bad as the root canal itself – just take a little longer to heal.

Now I need to work on getting my head back into work. Having been filled with painkillers, all the words seem a bit jumpy. But this too will pass. For now, I am simply thankful that it is over and I can heal. There then is my update.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Ed

p.s. - I am still working on the "Post-Dental Joys" post.

Luke's 15th Birthday

Today is the big day - no I am not referring to my oral surgery - rather to my son's 15th Birthday. I can't believe that it has been 15 years since my firstborn, Luke, came into the world.

We had originally planned to have some festivities tonight, but had to change them up a bit since I will most likely be down and out. Last night we went to "On the Border" - a plane that we had not been to as a family. Luke had referred a friend to his orthodontist and receive a $25 gift card, which allowed us to "go all out" having an appetizer as well as a desert. We had fun and Luke was well-pleased. We came home and Luke opened one of his presents, a game called, "In a Pickle" where the object is to use one of five word cards in your hand and make it fit in to one of the word cards on the table. It was hilarious - we laughed so hard. I know that I will not be playing that game tonight. It would be painful, especially if I started laughing again.

Laura and I went in to sing "Happy Birthday" to our son about 6:30 am. We have traditionally done this at 1:30 am (his birth time) but felt last night that I should get a full night's sleep. Tonight some family will come over for hamburgers (I get tomato soup!) as we continue the birthday festivities. And then, on Thursday, our church is having what we call "F.U.N." or Family Unity Night. We hold these on the last Thursday of every month from January through October with a different family hosting the event. The Godfrey's are hosting this one in honor of Luke's special day. The theme - breakfast, Luke's favorite meal as everyone will be bringing breakfast items and we will cook up a mess of pancakes. It looks like Luke's birthday will be a week long event - but then again, he's worth it.

Well, that's my post. I need to get ready for the joys of dental surgery. But as one has already exhorted me, a post entitled "Dental Joys" should soon follow. However, I commented that "Dental Joys" seems to be a contradiction in terms - so now it is called "Post-Dental Joys." (As a pre-mil guy, I never thought I would be "post" anything)! I will stop with the mixing of dentistry and eschatology as I am sure the two have nothing in common.

Happy Birthday Luke! Have a blessed day!

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pastor Ed

The Countdown

With just about 24 hours left before my oral surgery, I came across this BC comic strip.







This seem very appropriate only I would have to add:

"How long does the root canal last?"

Answer: "Only until you need the apicoectomy!"

Ed

Dental Woes

I find myself apologizing again for the sporadic nature of my postings as of late. It is by no means due to a lack of interest or topics on my part. Over the past few weeks I have been fighting an infection and some pain. For anyone that knows me, I have been granted the opportunity to trust in the Lord with reference to my teeth. While it may not seem to be true, the dentists I have gone to have all said that the great majority of my teeth, along with the health of my gums and mouth is excellent. However, about five years ago it seems that I had a problem brewing with some wisdom teeth that shifted and killed two of my back molars on the left side of my jaw. Obviously I had both those wisdom teeth and those two back left molars removed. O boy was that exciting.

Then, without any real known cause, my upper right jaw started having problems. For several months my dentist watched this. Finally, she suggested that I have my top right wisdom tooth pulled, as she believed this might be causing my pain. After recovery, the pain was still there. Then, last February, I was told that my second molar on the right top needed a filling (I had no real pain in that tooth). After the filling, the tooth was continually sore. The dentist again watched it for several months and then in July 06 said it needed a root canal. So, I had a root canal. Yet, after the root canal (which is supposed to remove all feeling from the tooth) I still had the pain. I was sent to an Endodontist in September 06 who could see no apparent reason why I should be having the pain. I went back for a follow up a month later, again, without any answers. I was to set an appointment for six months out so that the Endodontist might see via xray what was going on. I had a February 27 appoint.

During the last week of January, my tooth developed an abscess and so I called to see the Endodonist earlier (February 6). At this meeting he said that something needed to be done, either a redone root canal or what is called an apicoectomy (a procedure where an oral surgeon cuts back the gums, looks at the tooth from the side and amputates the tops of the roots or I could simple remove the tooth (but then I would have other issues to address). The endodonist suggested the apicoectomy via an oral surgeon. In the meantime, I was put on antibiotics due to the infection that had been taken place (and running me down).

I saw the oral surgeon and without hesitation, upon seeing the condition of the tooth, said I had only two options, the apicoectomy or removal. He said that the infection had progressed along enough that the surgery only had a 60% chance of success. The alternative is simply to pull the tooth and move to a bridge or dental implant (either of which are far more costly - not that an apicoectomy is cheep). After consulting with my wife and prayer with the Lord, we determined it was worth the risk to try the apicoectomy.

But to make matters worse, I have one last wisdom tooth on my bottom right jaw that was not yet pulled due to the fact that it is about 95% embedded in my jaw bone and my other two dentists said it should not be removed unless it does something to threaten the health of my teeth. Yes, in the last year since it was last looked at, it is beginning to have a problem that threatens my bottom right molar along with the nerves that run along the bottom jaw. The oral surgeon said that it must be removed within a few months lest I risk more complications (complications - that's all I have known for the past five years).

So now, after trying to manage the pain of the upper tooth for the past couple of months, especially in the past few weeks, something that has taken the wind out of my sails as of late, I intend to take care of these two issues in one fell swoop. It will be more painful and take a little more time to recover, but in the long run, I won't have two recovers, one for the apicoectomy and one for the near completely impacted wisdom tooth. The surgery is scheduled for this coming Tuesday (my son's 15th birthday).

How is this for an excuse not to keep up with my blog?

I would appreciate any prayers - that if the Lord wills, the apicoectomy will work and I will recover quickly. If it does not, then I will have to take the dental implant root [I must mean route] (along with an second mortgage). In the meantime, I am on my second round of antibiotics, trying to keep the infection in check.

And one side note, my wife had me look at her tooth that she had root canaled in June (just a couple weeks before mine) and she has an abscess over her tooth. What are the chances of two failed root canals? We now have to start the process of seeing what can be done for her. (She never lets me have a problem by myself - ha!)

Anyway, that's my life and my excuse as of late. I will keep you posted. For now, its time to great my mind focused on the Lord and preaching!

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pastor Ed

Spurgeon on Christlikeness

Sorry for the hiatus. I have no excuse except to say that things have been busy. To get back into the swing of things, I would like to begin with this exhortation from Spurgeon concerning Christlikeness…

"And they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus" (Acts 4:13).

A Christian should be a striking likeness of Jesus Christ.

You have read lives of Christ, beautifully and eloquently written, but the best life of Christ is His living biography, written out in the words and actions of His people. If we were what we profess to be, and what we should be, we should be pictures of Christ; yea, such striking likenesses of Him, that the world would not have to hold us up by the hour together, and say, "Well, it seems somewhat of a likeness;" but they would, when they once beheld us, exclaim, "He has been with Jesus; he has been taught of Him; he is like Him; he has caught the very idea of the holy Man of Nazareth, and he works it out in his life and every-day actions."

A Christian should be like Christ in his boldness. Never blush to own your religion; your profession will never disgrace you: take care you never disgrace that. Be like Jesus, very valiant for your God.

Imitate Him in your loving spirit; think kindly, speak kindly, and do kindly, that men may say of you, "He has been with Jesus."

Imitate Jesus in His holiness. Was He zealous for His Master? So be you; ever go about doing good. Let not time be wasted: it is too precious.

• Was He self-denying, never looking to His own interest? Be the same.
• Was He devout? Be you fervent in your prayers. Had He deference to His Father's will? So submit yourselves to Him.
• Was He patient? So learn to endure.

And best of all, as the highest portraiture of Jesus, try to forgive your enemies, as He did; and let those sublime words of your Master, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do," always ring in your ears. Forgive, as you hope to be forgiven. Heap coals of fire on the head of your foe by your kindness to him. Good for evil, recollect, is godlike. Be godlike, then; and in all ways and by all means, so live that all may say of you, "He has been with Jesus."

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pastor Ed

Reading the Bible Through The Lens of Experience

The following cartoon may connect to some who have experienced something along these lines - but this is a fine example of what we call "eisegesis" (Greek for "to lead in") meaning a reading into the text of Scripture one's personal thoughts and expectations. This is in contrast to exegesis (Greek for "to lead out") meaning to let the text and its context speak for itself.

We must be careful not to allow our own reading into the text what we want, desire or think it says to determine the truth of what the passage really does say. Remember this little rule of thumb - there is only one correct interpretation (which should be based on solid exegesis) but there may be many applications. Beware of turning applications into interpretations.

Psalms 12:6
The words of the LORD are pure words; As silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined seven times.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pastor Ed